Speaking to my best friend yesterday, I realised that there are quite a few things I haven’t dealt with properly. Things that I have buried deep beneath the surface and just painted on a smile even on days that I feel like hiding under the duvet. I like to think that I am a strong person who doesn’t let things faze her — and, for the most part, that is who I am. But just conversing about the pressures that burying things deep within can have on one’s psyche has made me think hard about dealing with the issues.
I realised that I am ridiculously afraid of facing this. What it will mean when I do finally talk about it. I have dealt with it in some respects and with that I’ve come to terms with the fact that it will be hard to deal with when I face it head on. I am not sure when I will be ready and able to deal with it head on though. But 10 years is coming up quickly. And until I deal with it, I don’t know that I will be able to let those who are really close to me into my head fully.
It’s ironic because had I not gotten to the place I am now, I wouldn’t even be thinking about dealing with it — or even just talking about it. It all takes time, but I know that those who truly do love me will give me the time and support that I need to deal with this properly. I can only take things one day at a time. That’s all I can expect of myself.
Xx Determined Creature xX