Everyone’s got to face down their demons…

Speaking to my best friend yesterday, I realised that there are quite a few things I haven’t dealt with properly. Things that I have buried deep beneath the surface and just painted on a smile even on days that I feel like hiding under the duvet. I like to think that I am a strong person who doesn’t let things faze her — and, for the most part, that is who I am. But just conversing about the pressures that burying things deep within can have on one’s psyche has made me think hard about dealing with the issues.

I realised that I am ridiculously afraid of facing this. What it will mean when I do finally talk about it. I have dealt with it in some respects and with that I’ve come to terms with the fact that it will be hard to deal with when I face it head on. I am not sure when I will be ready and able to deal with it head on though. But 10 years is coming up quickly. And until I deal with it, I don’t know that I will be able to let those who are really close to me into my head fully.

It’s ironic because had I not gotten to the place I am now, I wouldn’t even be thinking about dealing with it — or even just talking about it. It all takes time, but I know that those who truly do love me will give me the time and support that I need to deal with this properly. I can only take things one day at a time. That’s all I can expect of myself.

Xx Determined Creature xX

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2 thoughts on “Everyone’s got to face down their demons…

  1. My dear.. I can relate.. I think we tend to bury things in order to cope but there comes a time for healing and coping phases out. Once these items are on the surface, I think it’s the Universe way of letting us know it’s time to move forward and heal. I wish you luck on your journey.

    Smiles and Huggles, Conversing Caziah

    1. Thanks C. it really means a lot. I feel like I am stuck though. I feel like I have alienated everyone. And to be truthful I don’t know anyone who would truly understand the pain and angst I feel, even now, talking about it. I dunno what to do. I’ve found I can’t really rely on other people. At all, really. And to be quite frank, I don’t know how or if I can do this on my own.

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